My sister was the one who, at the very end of Chocolate's life, insisted on fighting with all her strength. After all, how could she simply let go after more than ten years together? Yet, two weeks later, Chocolate still became a little angel. The greatest regret in my sister's heart was that when Chocolate could no longer eat, she had to choose to have a nasogastric tube inserted. But Chocolate was already 20 years old and couldn't be anesthetized.
"The moment the doctor inserted the tube, Chocolate's scream and the look in his eyes seemed to blame me for not saving him," my sister said. How difficult it is to give a peaceful end-those who choose euthanasia blame themselves, and those who choose aggressive treatment also blame themselves.
Chocolate was a lovely poodle, and the family affectionately called him "Xiao Li". When we connected spiritually, he showed me how excited he was to communicate with my sister. Not only was he running very fast, but he also took a boat, placing his front paws on the bow and stretching his head forward, enjoying the feeling of the wind and rushing ahead. Along the way, a dignified white-robed Bodhisattva was guarding him from afar. I don't know what special blessings Chocolate had-it was the first time I saw Guanyin Bodhisattva come to protect during a spiritual connection.
But when he finally saw not my sister but a stranger, he immediately showed a kind of indescribable disdain and defensiveness, asking, "Who are you?" Although my sister had told him beforehand that an auntie would talk to him, apparently he heard but did not see her. My sister said this was just like Chocolate's usual behavior-pretending not to hear when called but always turning back when scolded. This was also the first time I encountered a pet almost ignoring me during a connection, but after explanation, I found out Chocolate was also a "mischievous" child.
The most important part of this communication was my sister's confession that she shouldn't have decided on the nasogastric tube without asking Chocolate first, causing him discomfort. She said if she could do it again, she would find other ways to save him. Chocolate said, "It was the first time seeing such a tube, and I wondered what it was, and that it had to be put inside my body-I was a bit scared and panicked." He continued, "But I knew sister wanted to save me. Although the tube made Xiao Li uncomfortable, with pain and itchiness and something stuck there, I received sister's intention. I knew she was afraid I would starve."
"I just didn't have time to get used to it and accidentally pulled it out," he said. "If it happened again, I probably wouldn't react so strongly." The tube was either pulled out by Xiao Li himself or accidentally by my sister. But every time my sister thought of Chocolate's eyes full of blame when the tube was inserted, she never wanted to let him suffer again. She switched to feeding him slowly with a syringe, but the amount was limited. One week later, Chocolate passed away from kidney failure convulsions.
Chocolate said, "The tube caused me to cry out because I was scared. When scared, who knows what expression they have? It's not blame!" He added, "I could endure it, but I didn't like it affecting my handsome look. Eating was no longer an enjoyment-I didn't even know the taste anymore." He comforted, "Sister, Xiao Li understands that choosing the tube was an act of love, and later choosing not to use it was also an act of love." He even said, "If the roles were reversed and sister was sick, Xiao Li would choose to have the tube inserted for her too."
This sudden candid statement made my sister unsure whether to laugh or cry. Pets' words are always straightforward yet so real. "In the end, sister slowly fed me with the syringe, letting Xiao Li enjoy a little delicious time again. My feelings were full of satisfaction and gratitude."
After removing the nasogastric tube, my sister took him to the hospital daily for subcutaneous injections and nutritional drips. Xiao Li was already very weak but kept barking on the way. "Anxiety-every time on the way to the hospital, Xiao Li wondered if sister would give up, if this time she would let me sleep early. That uncertainty was very tormenting." It turned out Chocolate heard the vet's advice clearly: "Let nature take its course-that's what I want," he said.
Most family members leaned towards not letting him suffer anymore and accepted the vet's advice. Only my sister hoped to keep trying. It was hard to persist alone, and she wanted to apologize for making Chocolate suffer more because of her insistence.
Chocolate said, "Sister, sadness, crying, and regret-are these the side effects you have after I died?" Then he said, "Sister, you're silly. Don't you know your persistence is exactly what I wanted?" "It's your persistence that made Xiao Li feel not alone, knowing someone was fighting for me, struggling for my life." "It's like a game level-I'm happy sister chose to explore and move forward with me, instead of turning off the game just because she worried I'd suffer."
Chocolate thought my sister was the bravest person, willing to face the hardest days with him. "Going when it's time-that's true completion. I was very afraid sister would give up and let me leave early, which would be like failing the game." "I am free now and qualified to tell sister, you did great!" Such words make anyone want to cry. Pets truly are the best comforters in this world.
