When Grief Is Taken Away: Losing a Beloved Pet
"Why does it have to be now?" "It's all my fault!" These cries capture the deep sorrow and pain parents feel when they lose a child. This kind of grief, known as disenfranchised grief, describes the anguish that doesn't receive full recognition or compassion from society. When parents lose their children, even while submerged in unbearable sadness, they may face criticism from others who blame them for not protecting their child well enough—thus stripping them of the right to grieve.
Similarly, when a pet passes away, owners experience immense sadness. Yet society often has mixed attitudes toward pets and differing levels of affection or understanding, leading to remarks such as:
"It's not like a person died—why make such a fuss?" or "It's just a pet; why be so upset? Would you cry this much if your parents died?" Some even believe such comments are kind or comforting because they are "meant well."
However, studies show that while the grieving period after a pet's death may be shorter than after a human loss, the emotional intensity can be even more severe. Adult children eventually become independent physically and emotionally, but pets remain dependent on their owners from the moment they meet until the final goodbye. Throughout their entire lives—youthful vigor or old age—they are attached to their humans. Their eyes always look up with trust and connection, creating an unspoken emotional bond.
Because of this pure and fragile relationship, pet owners often blame themselves deeply when tragedy occurs, whether from sudden accidents or incurable illness. They may think, "If only I had come home earlier, treatment could have started sooner," or "How did I not notice he was more tired than usual?" These thoughts turn into painful self-reproach and guilt.
The Story of Jin-Dong and Jett
One owner looked after two rescue dogs: an elderly Chihuahua named Jin-Dong and a young German Shepherd named Jett. Both had been abandoned and injured before finding a home. Jin-Dong, being small and fragile, always received extra care. One evening, the owner came home later than usual. The two dogs enthusiastically rushed to greet him at the entrance. In his excitement, the large Jett wagged his tail so vigorously that it accidentally knocked Jin-Dong against the wall—ending his life instantly.
The two dogs had always lived peacefully together; no one could have predicted such a heartbreaking accident. The owner couldn't bring themselves to blame Jett, nor the social gathering that had delayed the return home. Instead, they blamed themselves—for not installing a safety gate by the door, for not separating the dogs, for staying out too late—all for something no one could have foreseen.
Letting Go of Self-Blame
No one can predict the future. In everyday life, you gave your pet abundant love, making their days comfortable, safe, and happy. Don't keep punishing yourself. The love and care you offered made their life brighter. Though your heart aches from guilt and emptiness, remember: the pet who was cherished by you would never wish for you to live in self-blame. More than anything, they would want to leave behind the warmth of your love and the fond memories you shared.
If someone you know blames themselves for their pet's death, remind them gently: "This is not your fault. You always cared for him with love. Meeting you was his greatest blessing, and he was surely happy every day he spent with you."
Understanding Anger and Forgiveness in Pet Loss
Anger and resentment toward others often arise as people try to accept the painful reality of losing a beloved pet. Some begin searching for causes beyond themselves, hoping to make sense of the loss. At the animal hospital where I once worked, a Maltese named Dou‑Dou was brought in after a severe traffic accident caused by walking without a leash. Despite emergency resuscitation, Dou‑Dou did not survive. The owner, overwhelmed by grief, erupted in anger toward the medical team.
In that moment, the owner ignored the true cause of the accident and the dog's critical condition upon arrival, directing blame at those who had worked to save him. Fortunately, after patient communication, the owner's anger subsided. Later, the family welcomed a new pet and continued visiting the same hospital, maintaining a warm relationship with the staff. This shows that when misunderstanding leads to anger, the best first step is open communication and transparent sharing of facts. Clarifying what truly happened helps both sides reach mutual understanding. Empathy and comfort are vital—helping owners ease anger directed at others and, just as importantly, preventing them from turning that anger inward.
Sometimes, a pet's death truly results from another person's mistake. In such cases, anger toward the responsible party naturally becomes a way to express grief and pain. When negligence or carelessness causes a pet's death, shock and anger may overwhelm the owner, occasionally leading to legal disputes. When others are responsible, it is important to examine both their "intent" and the "process" before deciding whether forgiveness or punishment is right. Yet even when pursuing justice or preventing future incidents through legal means, the law continues to classify pets as "property," not "family." This distinction often intensifies an owner's sorrow and sense of helplessness during legal proceedings.
Consider the story of a wealthy woman and her Persian cat, Hei‑Hei, cherished not only by the owner but also by the household maid. One day, Hei‑Hei slipped into a washer filled with laundry to nap. The maid, unaware, turned it on—an unthinkable tragedy followed. Despite the heartbreak, the owner chose not to pursue blame or conflict. This peace was possible because sincere apology met genuine forgiveness. Through communication, understanding replaced resentment.
In another story, a Chow‑Chow named General was left in a boarding facility for large dogs while his owner traveled for work. Unexpectedly, General developed severe enteritis. Though the family rushed to his side after being notified, he had already passed away. Seeing him thin and dirty, the family realized he must have been ill for a while; his usual food remained untouched. The boarding center admitted General had suffered diarrhea for some time and had been treated without notifying the owners, even feeding him unfamiliar food. The family felt furious and considered taking legal action.
Both Hei‑Hei's and General's tragedies were caused by others, yet the circumstances differed: one by a maid who was like family, the other by an impersonal boarding service. The contrasting outcomes stemmed from more than the closeness of relationships. In General's case, the late and incomplete communication caused deep mistrust about the center's motives and actions. There are even cases of mentally disturbed individuals abducting or harming others' pets. Such acts warrant firm legal and social condemnation to prevent further tragedy. Perhaps this is the truest expression of compassion toward animals and their guardians.
Even so, expecting grieving owners to suppress their anger and doubt is an unfair burden for those already suffering profound loss. After all, the one who suffers most when a pet departs is the owner themself. Rather than fixating on assigning blame, we should focus on healing the owner's heart. When those responsible express sincere remorse—and when others offer compassion and support—it helps grieving owners recover and find peace once more.
Prayers to Heaven: The Eternal Bond with Pets
Sincerely praying to heaven, we realize that our beloved pets are simple and kind by nature. Looking at them feels like seeing angels. Even when fear drives them to bare their teeth and claws at strangers or unfamiliar situations, their hearts remain filled with pure goodwill. To their owners, pets are the most precious and innocent beings in the world.
When a pet meets with misfortune or passes away due to illness, the owner may cry out to heaven in despair, begging for just a little more time together. When such prayers go unanswered, grief can become overwhelming. Yet through faith, healing is possible—believing that a departed pet is safe and happy in heaven's embrace, that you will meet again in another world to share joyful moments once more, or that your bond will be reborn through the cycles of reincarnation. These beliefs plant seeds of hope within sorrow.
Perhaps meeting your pet was destined from the start—a part of learning, feeling, and practicing true love. Though separation comes, death does not end the relationship. Instead, it transforms it into a beautiful memory that will forever live in your heart. You loved your pet wholeheartedly, and they responded with the purest, most unconditional love. Through that loving connection, your soul has become more compassionate and gentle, blossoming into something more beautiful.
Treasure the changes your pet has brought into your life, and may their love always stay beside you. "When you brushed my teeth, clipped my nails, or cleaned my ears—even when you put in eye drops and told me to get better soon—I sometimes lost my temper. I'm truly sorry. Even as my back grew hunched, my eyes clouded, and my fur turned thin and rough, you still called me the most beautiful and adorable in the world. Thank you. I love you. You always said I was the best, and to me, you have always been the best too."
"Maybe someone was jealous of our bond and wanted to separate us. That person must be mean and hateful—if I could find them, I'd scratch them hard with my claws! Time flows differently for you and me, and that makes me so angry. When the time to part comes, could my barking chase it away? If I bare my teeth, could I scare it off?"
"Didn't Mom tell you to take your medicine so you'd get healthy again? Why are you so stubborn and disobedient? On our walks, didn't I remind you to go slowly and not rush? Why were you so careless? We promised we'd be together for a long, long time—so no, you can't go! You mustn't leave me! You're our family's naughty troublemaker, always getting into mischief, but still, I love you. I love you and I always will."
